When An Impromptu Conversation With Children About Dogs Goes Off The Chain

It happened to me..

Hi. Welcome to The Night Shift, where just about anything is up for discussion. It’s 2AM.

The day has been..a day. Let's just say that the neighborhood.. neighborhood-ed, and continues to, off and on, neighborhood.

But, on the bright side, I found out today that the very worst neighbor, got evicted. So that was a win. Hooray!

Anyhoo. Let's do this thing.

I was reading the Substack of some other proponents of pet spaying/neutering/rescue a little bit ago, and some of the stories told reminded me of this gem of a tale that actually happened to me after Leo (my now RIP Labrador Retriever) first came into my life.

At the time that this took place, I'd just adopted Leo, and we were getting to know each other, and the neighbors, and all of that jazz.

One afternoon, as school let out, Leo and I came across a group of schoolchildren on their way to after school Bible study with what was then, the local youth pastor.

Again, at the time, Leo, clocking in around 85-ish pounds, was the biggest dog in the neighborhood.

ahem

Moving on..

First question I was asked by the kids (from a safe distance) was if my dog bit children.

I came right back with a horrified, ‘absolutely not!’ (he was great with kids. Leo was a very temperamentally stable dog, especially around the kidlets.)

My point of view, is that when dealing with children, is if kids have a valid question for me, I'm going to answer in an age-appropriate way.

The kids (especially the little girls) had All The Questions for me about how I walked a big dog and was I scared.

I came right back with a ‘no, I'm not scared at all’…and /it was on/.

The boys were sure that I was secretly some kind of badass, so, when the girls got done asking me questions, that's when the boys started quizzing me about how I handled a big dog and wasn't scared to do it.

Meanwhile, all the kids are politely taking turns petting Leo, while the evangelical youth pastor is watching his intended after school Bible study lesson go down the drain, and is giving me dirty looks over it.

I did not care one bit.

Among the next questions I got asked by the kids, though, was if the youth pastor's dog was going to grow up to be the size of my dog. I tell the kids that no, dogs come in all sorts of different shapes, sizes and colors, just like people do.

The kids let out a collective sigh of relief.

That's about when I started to get worried about what this guy may have been saying to the kids.

Then one of the other kids then asked why my dog wasn't mean but the youth pastor's dog is.

At this point, I'm really starting to wonder just what on earth?! this youth pastor is telling the local kids about dogs, and I began giving him looks that clearly conveyed the question…‘what is wrong with you!?’ while explaining to the kids that some people who have dogs do things like help their dogs to make good choices, and other people who have dogs don't help their dog to make good choices.

The kids accepted that and promptly began looking at the youth pastor like he's some kind of jerk. The youth pastor is giving me a look that clearly said ‘you did not just say that', while I'm looking at him with an expression that conveyed ‘I said what I said’.

The kids were not done asking me questions yet, though. The questions for me came thick and fast. By this time, the youth pastor is looking at me like I'm the worst thing that ever happened to him.

One of the kids finally asks me if Leo is ever going to have puppies. And that's when, as one does when speaking with children, I start explaining about pet overpopulation and that Leo is neutered.

Another one of the kids asks, ‘what’s neutered?’. I explained, again, in an age appropriate way for benefit of the littlest kids in the group, that it was an operation that prevented boy dogs from helping girl dogs make babies.

Without missing a beat, one of the older kids pipes right up, ‘I gotta tell my mom's boyfriend about this neutered thing, because I don't want any more brothers or sisters!’

I couldn't help it. I just started to splutter-laugh because of all the things that have come out of an impromptu discussion with children about spaying and neutering, that comment had to be the funniest thing I'd heard yet. Meanwhile, the youth pastor is giving me the /dirtiest/ of all dirty look which only made me laugh even harder as he finally found it in him to shepherd the kids away to actually have their after school youth group thing.

It was beautiful. I regret nothing.

Oh..and that guy? Is no longer a youth pastor.

For now, this is all.

Talk again soon,

Deb